| This year, I teach a combination of civics, social, and | | | | is a single word, letter or number, as in some of my |
| academic skills to seventh and eight graders and I get | | | | previous sentences, above. This, again, is "dumb". |
| a queasy feeling when I teach them how to best do | | | | 7. Why can't we just always add an "s" to make |
| homework. This is because believe homework does | | | | something plural? What's up with "child," "goose," |
| more harm than good. Last year, I would get a similar | | | | "mouse," "story," and "moose"? I'd be willing to go with |
| feeling as a second grade teacher every time I had to | | | | an "es" for those words already ending in "s". |
| pretend that the English language made some sort of | | | | 8. A "silent e" makes a short vowel long... sometimes. |
| sense. I taught all sorts of awkward "rules" forced out | | | | Please disregard all the letters behind the curtain, such |
| of coincidences in the language even though I knew | | | | as "none," "love," "come," and "one" (what's up with |
| the rules were inconsistent and due to their complexity | | | | "one," by the way... where's the "w"?). |
| were unlikely to be remembered. | | | | 9. I actually taught this rule to second graders: "When |
| I think that English spelling and grammar is something a | | | | it's time to add suffixes, most words just add -ed or |
| person can develop an intuitive feeling for, but is foolish | | | | -ing. For words ending in silent e, drop the e, then add |
| to try to make too much sense out of. | | | | -ed or -ing. For words ending in one vowel and one |
| To pretend otherwise to children seems dishonest. | | | | consonant, double the final consonant, then add -ed or |
| What if you were a science teacher and were | | | | -ing. For words ending in y, change the y to i, then add |
| instructed to teach that the world is flat? Eventually, | | | | -es or -ed but to add -ing, keep the y." Why? Because |
| you would either convince yourself that the world was | | | | we told you. First of all, it's not always true ("see" |
| flat, or develop a stomach ailment from the stress of | | | | doesn't become "seed") and second of all, if any of |
| promoting a falsehood to developing minds. My guess | | | | my second graders from last year actually remember |
| is that there are a lot of English teachers who are sick | | | | that rule this year, there is something seriously |
| to their stomachs. | | | | abnormal about them. |
| Here is my list of top ten things that bug me about the | | | | 10. Short vowel words, like "pin," usually have just one |
| English language. The alternative title is: | | | | vowel, and long vowel words, such as "pain," usually |
| Why You Should Be Suspicious of Everything Adults | | | | have two vowels in them. This is another rule I taught |
| Tell You | | | | my students. What is the point of a "rule" that has the |
| | | | word "usually" in it? Student: "When is it true, Teacher?" |
| 1. I can't say, "I are going to the store," but I can say, | | | | Teacher: "Some of the time." |
| "Aren't I going to the store?" | | | | These are actually just the first ten examples that |
| 2. We all learned, "I before e, except after c." But it | | | | come to mind. I'm sure you can think of countless |
| doesn't hold true any any weird words. | | | | others. The alleged rules of English are one of the first |
| 3. By itself, the letter "c" has choice of sounds, both of | | | | things we are tasked to learn in school. I think our |
| which are already in use by the letters "s" and "k". To | | | | message to children is: "We make the rules. They |
| make its own, unique sound, "c" needs the helper letter | | | | make no sense. They are only true some of the time. |
| "h," as in "ch". I believe that "c" should assert its | | | | You will look dumb if you don't follow them |
| independence and just make the "ch" sound without | | | | unquestioningly." |
| any help from "h". | | | | I know that English is an organic, evolving language |
| 4. What's with "ph" making an "f" sound? That's just | | | | handed down from generations of people who infused |
| dumb. | | | | it with ways of speaking from other languages. |
| 5. There should be a gender neutral pronoun to take | | | | However, why can't we be masters of our own |
| the place of "he," "she," "him," and "her". Why are we | | | | language? Why must we blindly accept the inherited |
| so obsessed with gender identification that we can't | | | | dictates of our very means of communication? We |
| just refer to a person without defining his or her | | | | treat language as if it were sacrosanct - a precious |
| gender? I'm tired of writing "him or her" or "s/he". | | | | tool lent from above that we have no right to alter or |
| 6. Periods are supposed to go inside inside quotation | | | | bring order to. I say, it's our language, we should make |
| marks almost all the time. Very few people ever | | | | it work for us, not vice versa. It's time to unleash |
| understand that the arbitrary exception is when there | | | | reason upon our words. |